No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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