Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
