we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
