she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
