butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
