the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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