I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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