Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
