Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
