Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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