Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
