Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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