You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
