I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
