addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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