you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
