Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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