this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
