Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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