i think my mom watched the whole time
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
