dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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