Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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