Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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