I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
