just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
