last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
