my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
not ubering you a puppy
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