I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize