my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
