My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She even gives head with a lisp.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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