you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
