Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he was CRYING into my vagina
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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