they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
