If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
