let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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