I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
