You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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