Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
