We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
