I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This baby is an asshole
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
