I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
