Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
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