In the future we'll all be gay
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
