My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
