Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
