Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
