shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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