Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize