Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
