gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
