Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
