I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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