im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
