shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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