I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
