I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
