I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
In America we eat man semen.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
