He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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