I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize