i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
