He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
