I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
