Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
