Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize