Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
