no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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