I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Your penis caused this!
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