Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
