How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
